Tears of Joy

Though I can be an emotional person, I'm not generally a big JOY crier. Stub a toe extra hard and a few tears might escape. Labor pains definitely brought some tears. My broken heart, or brokenness over someone's painful situation and I can become a blubbering snotty mess.

Tears of Joy? Those have only come four times in my life.

When my Daddy pulled me aside on my wedding day to read a letter he had written to me. We both cried through the whole thing. My girls had to rescue my wedding day make up.

After being pronounced Man and Wife and practically leaping down the aisle to steal a moment alone after our wedding, I watched tears of joy pour down my Husband's face and so of course the tears came for me.

That beautiful moment, after hours of pain, when my baby girl was placed in my arms, and I realized that I was a Mother and that she was the most amazing and beautiful thing God had ever blessed me with.

Pretty brief list. It's a list that makes sense, but its still not common for me. I love my other two children as much as my first but something about their arrivals into my life didn't bring tears of joy. Nothing else I can think of has conjured such extreme emotion in me.

So I was a little surprised and a smidge embarrassed Sunday night when giant wet droplets poured down my face.

You see, the next journey in our lives is about to change everything. We've left the church we love, who shaped and molded our faith in amazing ways over the last ten years in order to prepare for a church plant. It will be far enough away that we are preparing to sell our house. All three of my children have only known this home and this town. A job change is likely in our future too. The biggest thing for me will be leaving the school system I know and trust and heading into the unknown with a disabled child. Old friends will be less available and new friends will have to be made.
And we've grown very comfortable with our lives here. This is hard.

My favorite comfort place in my home:
Old rickety rocking chair and endless books at my fingertips. 

So many of my prayers are being answered in this one difficult act of obedience. I am watching my Husband's faith cement itself in our home as he leads our children, and invests in others. I am having conversations with my children that deepen my faith as we adventure into the unknown. I am seeing just how big the body of Christ really is outside of my little comfortable bubble. It reminds me of how I felt when I worshiped with a church in Kampala Uganda half way across the world. I was very much the minority, yet I was with Brothers and Sisters who served and trusted the same God I do. It was a beautiful moment.

But it is SOOO scary venturing into the unknown to serve God. To not know if we will succeed, if uprooting our family and giving up what is comfortable and known will mean anything in eternity. It must matter, or why would He ask it of us? But we can't see the things He sees, and I fear my faith is still so weak. I am scared. What if all of this ends up being for nothing?

So sitting on someone else's couch, nursing my coffee and waiting for God to move in our meeting, the tears flowed easily as I listened to a young couple show me what God is doing. I listened to them make real to me why we are leaving the known for the unknown; comfortable for the uncomfortable.

I listened to his voice break as he told us when the unthinkable happened and their child was taken from them. When their broken-ness reached the bottom and God stepped in and got their attention. I watched him struggle with the words as he described his and his wife's pain in these times. And I watched him in awe, thank God for the pain. I watched him tell us of redemption, and forgiveness, and Christ in their lives like never before. I watched them, become the bible in front of me. Like the woman at the well. Like the unlikely choices for Jesus's disciples. Like the gospel is meant to be.

REDEMPTION

Broken Sinners, who met Jesus, and went running to tell others what they had found.

This is why we are going. Because we are broken sinners who met Jesus and want to run and tell others what WE have found. And I want to see this story play out over and over in our lives. I want to see Redemption. More than a great school, a special home, a comfortable church, a cozy office, and security in relationships. I want want to see Jesus move in people's lives. If everything else is sacrificed, this....yes THIS will be enough.

Let the tears come Jesus.....I am yours, send me.

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If you would like more information on the church plant and how you can get involved, please visit
www.transformationcc.com